So, um, wish me the best of luck, will you?

I suppose having opened that can of worms (if you managed to follow the links this far!) I owe it to my reader to share a little more about where this whole story is at. Someday this file either tell about the ending, or more hopefully will explain the current nature of the relationship.

This part is a little more personal than the rest of this site, but I think it has a place, too.

I'm not gonna clutter this up with links, but you can back up through the headings.

One of the difficult parts of this situation is that we spent a lot of time together right before the sudden separation, and I fear that she may have become a bit claustrophobic. This means not only does she need the time to do her school work, but she probably needs some emotional space in which to work out whether she really wants to be with me or not. Whether she understands this as a psychological function and not a spiritual incompatibility, I can only hope and trust to her ability to understand herself.

Right now it is the middle of the semester, and even though there have been some miscellaneous communications, realistically I am operating in a vacuum (as far as this relationship, anyway).

She has not broken it off in any formal way, so I trust to my guess that this means it is still a possibility to her. I have no interest in acting on my intense desire to know where she is at by crowding her for this information. Presumably she will share as much as she wants to about this with me when she is ready.

It may seem bizarre, this standing by and waiting without any positive confirmation that I should be. Especially when you consider that she goes to school and lives within a few miles of me.

But the lack of positive reinforcement may be largely a product of my emotional reaction to the sudden lack of her presence in my life. There are subtle signs that I can hang on to, though I hate to put it that way because it sounds so pathetic. I will describe a couple, but please keep in mind the real reason I have the time to wait for her is that I truly believe that she and I should be together, I feel a deep and enduring love for her that would not go away for a long time even if I severed the connection myself.

She has a special little thing she signs her emails with, just a pair of brackets holding no text, that early on she described as "you don't know what this means yet", and that I never got around to asking about when we were spending a lot of time together. As recently as last week she replied to an email of mine about an event she had organised on campus, and the signature contained the sweet reminder of this "symbol". It meant a lot to me. It is not an automatic function of her mail program because it is not always present.