Random Thoughts Indexed

Strategy will always fail. Strategy to get what you desire in love is always based on some generalisation of human nature, and more frequently, on a generalisation of the nature of the gender one seeks. Since your lover is a unique human being, the chances are slim that they will neatly fit into the general idea of the human that you already have, and even less that they will coincide with your concept of what their gender entails. The only strategies that might have value will be so open ended as to barely be strategies at all, in order to allow for the individuality of the person concerned.

Personally I am fond of patience as a grand strategy. It deflates arguments before they start, it allows time to work its critical function of allowing you and your partner to actually get to know one another as unique individuals and treat each other as such, and it mellows differences.

It is even a little funny, because I might think to myself that I am being patient, explaining myself, enjoying my partner, waiting for them to "see things my way," but what is actually happening is that "my way" is being conditioned and tailored by my experience with them, so when it finally seems like they have capitulated and agreed with me, the agreement is not with what I originally thought was the desired result - it is a new thing, a space we have carved out together as we got to know one another and adapted to the influences we had on each others lives, goals, feelings, and thoughts about them.

5/2/01 2 AM

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© Huw Powell
humanthoughts.org

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