Random Thoughts

Dating as a process has some serious drawbacks.

The first one that occurred to me years ago is that the skills required in dating, especially those used on dates themselves, have no useful function in the desired end result of a long term relationship. The way we present ourselves on dates is not how we act in life, and may be a very glossed over or idealised version of who we are. While getting to know someone is important, how it is done should be less so.

Sometimes it seems to me as if dating is a judgment process where we try to forecast a whole life based on a few hours spent with someone, during which we are both trying to erect an image of ourselves we think will be conducive to the other developing a favorable opinion of us.

This task as I have described it is rather disastrous - that two people should engage in mutual deception and judgment while trying to make decisions upon which to rest what might be the rest of the entire life is ridiculous!

It would be far better to take off the pressure and simply spend time together, not worrying about the long term consequences, just to do it because we like the company of the other person. Let it develop as it may - let whatever is there simply "become" what it is wihtout prejudice or expectation.

This brings to the fore the disastrous condition known as "looking for a relationship," where every interaction is sized up for its possibilities, and people are rejected or drawn closer based on our ideas of how they might meet our fantasies and ideals of a future partner.

Personally I am gravitating towards the idea of "weekend dates," which do not necessarily take place on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but allow both people some room to breathe, to experience each others company, to fill in the time that is not planned already by discussing their mutual desires. Sex is optional, and both people would do best to try to keep this in mind - that while it might be a very pleasant diversion and a great way to get to know the other well, it should never be taken for granted.

8/13/00 - 3 AM

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© Huw Powell

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