No Way to Live

I bet you can't write your way out of this hell
It's all in my head but it's trapped me, oh well
Can't stand I'm a slave to the beatings gone past
And the pain like bee stings, that echo too fast

This pain that demands I suppress it this far
But the cure makes it worse, leaves its own scars
This bottle I've mistaken for agony's respite
It pockets the sharpness for a day, or a night

This painkiller wears out its welcoming breeze
Now wears my blood, its rank on my sleeve
As the space between numbness and terror grows smaller
Each day that I feed it, its tactics get bolder

And my heart slowly leaks where the drafts once came in
And nothing much really keeps me warm in my skin
As the years go by the truth gets more tired
Than the lies I shared, the facade contrived

Instead of a duffle bag overflowing with music
I'm left with a briefcase of empty excuses
You can rest assured, there's always one handy
In case this mess needs your understanding

I know it's not my fault, but I still blame myself
For the inheritance I hope I suppressed
I look at the kids and - well, they seem well
Maybe what I've done has uncast that spell

It's no way to live
But there are far sadder ways to die


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printed 30 January 2023
© Huw Powell