I hear so many people to whom commitment is so important! They are "looking for a commitment," "afraid of commitment," want a "committed relationship," and they know all this sometimes before they even know the person they want it with!

The words can be so seductive. But commitments are broken all the time, promises... well, promises are just lies, they take some time to come untrue! What we really want is for someone to be honest, true and caring with us, isn't it? Well, no ceremony or sounds mouthed at some romantic moment are going to provide that, there is no security in doing what seems to be the "done thing" to do. Security comes with years of knowing you both are free to leave and never do, with years of working through issues and crises, pleasures and plans. It is the product of flexibility, growth both personal and as a team, and the freedom to experiment with what that means to the two of you.

Security is something you feel in yourself, not hang as a burden on another person. The one who is secure with their partner is the one who knows they could live without them, but knows they are so much richer for being with them.

You shouldn't be "looking for a relationship" - you should be looking for yourself!

8/1/00 - 3 AM